Do or Die

I officially give in. This lifestyle is mine. I'm far too weight-obsessed by now. Even if I am not anorexic, weight will always be on my mind. There's no escaping this. If I ever actually go to therapy, it'll just be out of laziness and false self-pity. I am not skinny. Not yet anyway. If they make me eat anymore than I already do, I'll be overweight by medical standards.
Sometimes, when I try to think of why I want to be thin so badly, I can't remember. I just know it'll make me happier. I feel people will like me so much more. And I'll like them, too. I guess it's vanity. That's all an ED is, really. But I'd rather be vain and skinny than fat. You know how you see those fat people on the street wearing skinny girl clothes that look terrible on them but they're still so happy? It's that inner satisfaction they have with themselves. They claim not to care that they aren't "little rails" like the girls on T.V. I can't see myself ever being satisfied with my body until I get skinny. Ever. And I don't really believe they don't look at those girls with such jealousy.

This time, I will get there. All the way down to 115lbs.